Where Have I Been?

...All your liiiiyyyyiiiifffeee?!?!?!

(That's a song, guys. Kind of.)

So I just *happened* to be looking through my blog feed on blogger and then my eyes jumped up and noticed that I haven't posted in over a month.

Oops.

I actually think that's wrong. I don't feel like it's been that long. Really, I don't. I blame Netflix. I got a Netflix account, and because I'm not a big fan of movies but I L-O-V-E getting hooked on a good TV show, I've been watching approximately 4 seasons of various shows per week.

Don't worry, I actually only did that for two weeks in a row. But watching that much TV seriously makes the days go by, like, super fast.

Actually, the main* reason I've been gone is because I'm working on finalizing my Capstone project which is due two weeks from tomorrow! What a relief it will be when it's over; this project is SO HUGE.

*Main meaning I work on it for the two whole days before each assignment is due. And assignments are due every two weeks. So however much of a main reason that can be. That's my reason. Netflix is the other main reason.

So basically what I'm trying to say here is...I'll be back in two weeks, haha. BECAUSE the FINAL project is due in TWO WEEKS...and I can't just wait until the day before to start working on that one. No more procrastinating for this girl.*

*HA. Heard that before.

I'm actually supposed to be working on that right now...so I'm gonna go get back to that. Basically the purpose of this post is so that it doesn't say my last post was March 7th, because that really bothered me. So, the cobwebs have been dusted off of this blog, and I will be back to dust them off again in two weeks!

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger...

 ...or just really tired.

We slightly changed the words to Kelly Clarkson's song to fit HEART. But that's as far as we got, because we fell asleep after that. :)

Anyway...THIS is the post you have been waiting for!

Honestly, I have dreaded writing this post. Why? Because it was three weeks of constant activity...it wouldn't be a post, it'd be a book.

And honestly, I DON'T want to write all of that. So instead, I'm going to give a brief summary of what we did, why we did it, and I WAS going to show you a couple videos, but I'm giving up on that. I will post them in the future if I am able to. So please enjoy this picture-less, video-less, very, very summarized summary of HEART!

What is HEART?

HEART stands for "Hearts Eager and Ready for Training". It was the summer training program that my church's youth group offered to the girls this summer. The guys had one too, called SWEAT (Student Work Experience and Training). We love acrostics at my church.

The program was open to all students 6th-12th grade. Students had the option of going three weeks, two weeks, or one week. The girls renovated a lifeless house; the guys transformed a barren property. The first week we had 9 girls. We added 8 more the second week and 10 the third week for a grand total of 27 girls.

We had guest speakers throughout the weeks to come talk to us about things such as finances, relationships, dating, cooking, and first aid.

The point of the program was to teach young men and women a good work ethic, diligence, perseverance, and teamwork as well as important life skills, all while learning to live together and provide for each other.

We cooked meals together, cleaned together, tiled floors together, painted together, scraped floors together, ate together, laughed together, learned together, and most of all, we grew closer to God together.

There was a lot of togetherness.

What did we do?

• First, we ripped out the carpet. It was GROSS. Awful. And we couldn't move our bags in until that happened. That's how bad it was.
• We then spent the next three days scraping the brown moss of terror.
• We painted all the walls and ceilings. The people who had previously lived there were smokers and the poor dry wall was suffering from that.
• We cleaned. Because all the surfaces in the house were as gross as the carpet.
• We laid vinyl tile in the laundry room, dining room, and kitchen.
• We meal planned, grocery shopped, and cooked.
• We did dishes.
• We spackled with hot pink spackle that turns white when it dries. Awesome.
• We caulked.
• We did minor landscaping.
• We wrote songs.
• We saw the boys once a week (!).
• We made necklaces, hair flowers, trivets, soaps, bath fizzies, and other things that I don't remember.
• We worshiped Jesus.
• We learned, grew, and endured.
• We made new friends.

And, last but not least,

• We had fun!

Believe it or not, yes, we had fun.

What is "the brown moss of terror?" 

Well, underneath the carpet in the kitchen, dining room and laundry room, was this wonderful little brown carpet pad that was glued to the floor underneath. Literally. It would not come up. And it needed to. We spent three days scraping it. And it looked kind of mossy, so it was dubbed the brown moss of terror.

Songwriting? That sounds fun!

Yes, yes it does. One Friday the boys came over and had written us a song to the tune of "What Makes You Beautiful" by One Direction. So we wrote them a song to the tune of "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen and sang it for them the following week. Unfortunately, I don't have a video of that.

I do, however, have a video of this song that Meredith and I wrote while painting the bathroom...which I was going to post, but now I'm not. So...sorry! haha

We also had a High School Musical dance party. It was epic. I know you're jealous.

What does the house look like now?

Awesome.

Amazing.

Beautiful.

It's practically a castle.

Well, compared to what it DID look like, at least. :)


So, now you know how I spent the last three weeks of my June (after my senior trip). Exciting right? It was a great time, and a great experience, but I'm glad to be home and back at work. About to start college. Oh, I'm a sophomore now, as of yesterday. Cool right? I'm probably the only freshman at UTA who's actually a sophomore. Hehe. I cheated the system.

This is Not the Post You've Been Waiting For.

This is not a post about the training I went to last month.

I actually have that one written, but have not posted it yet because I was trying to obtain a video and have not yet been successful in that venture.

But honestly, a big part of that is because it hasn't been on my mind the past several days. I will preface with an analogy that I made up all by myself (please hold the applause):

For the past, oh...yearish, I've been on a crazy roller coaster. A crazy roller coaster with sky-scraping highs and rock bottom lows. I was on the highest peak of that roller coaster when the car came off the track, and fell to the lowest low that there ever was. And let me tell y'all, I hit the bottom HARD.

It was like the car, everyone in the car, and the entire structure of this year-long roller coaster came crashing down on top of me. 

Y'all. I just came out of what was probably the hardest weekend of my life.

The hardest thing I've ever gone through.

And it's going to take awhile to recover.

I'm doing better. And I will continue to do better. And eventually it'll be like nothing was ever wrong. Time heals all wounds, but this wound's gonna need a lot of time.

I don't know what God has in store for me now. I thought I did but now I'm back to square one and I know nothing. And that's hard, because I like to know things.

I don't like surprises. I don't like change. This happens to be a surprise AND a change. Oh yay.

But regardless, I'm going to press on. I'm going to keep on living my life. No matter what happens, I'm going to keep trusting God. That He has a plan. That His plan is better than my plan.

Clearly, because God just basically took the schematics for my roller coaster and threw them in the trash. He showed me why my roller coaster would never work, and He had to tear it down so we could build a new one. A better one. Together.

These verses have kept me going the past couple days. If you're going through anything difficult right now--or even if you're not--I would encourage you to read them. They're good reminders for us all.

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, who have been called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21

"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed." 1 Peter 4:12-13

I put these verses up on my desk at work to keep me going. Cuz honestly, guys, work is hard right now. I can't focus because I have so much on my mind. I don't want to be there. But I'm trying. I'm really trying.

I long for normalcy. I long for simplicity. But my life isn't normal or simple. There's a good chance it will never be. But Jesus's life wasn't normal or simple either. I mean, His life was WAY less normal than mine...he was immortal for crying out loud. If that doesn't scream complicated I don't know what does.

He was crucified.

And then He came back to life.

Y'all. It doesn't get weirder than that.

Of course, that was Jesus and He can handle WAY more than a helpless human like myself can. But, I'm also dealing with way less than Him, AND I have Him to help me.

There's no reason I can't do this. None at all.

That's not to say I couldn't use prayer. If you think about it, include me. Include my family and my friends, too. And if you have anything you need prayer for right now, please let me know so I can return the favor.

At the beginning of the year, my best friend and I made a deal to make this year better than last year. Last year is gonna be really hard to top...but I'm still gonna try, despite all this. 

I will have the summer training post up at some point. I'm not going to say when because I know it will probably happen sooner if I don't. :)

Oh, and as a random post script, one of the keys just fell off my keyboard. Awesome. I need a new laptop.

Fact: Life is Unfair.

"But that's not fair."
"Life isn't fair. Get over it."

Sound familiar? Chances are, every time you've complained about something being unfair in your life, someone has responded by saying "life isn't fair."

But I can't get over it that easily.

Sure, life isn't fair. But that doesn't make it okay to treat people unfairly.

One of my top five strengths is consistency, which means I like everyone to be treated equal. Fairness is a huge issue for me. I'm also a high J, meaning I like justice and order. I cannot stand it when things aren't fair.

Some examples of unfairness that everyone faces:

• Working hard for something, then having it taken away from you for no reason.
• Being good at something, and not being recognized for it.
• Having someone not as good as you at something receive more recognition for it (or even the same amount).
• People having things handed to them while you are stuck working for what you want.
• Suffering the consequences of someone else's mistake.
• Having people less deserving than you receive the same privilege as you.
• Listening to people who have it way easier than you complain about how tough their life is.

Honestly, there's a lot going on in my life right now that just doesn't seem fair or right to me. And it's not. It's not just me feeling sorry for myself. It's truly wrong.

But, the truth is, it may not be right, but there's really nothing I can do about it. Every single unfair situation that I'm facing at the moment is completely out of my hands. I just have to trust God and my leaders that everything will work out right in the end.

I keep having to tell myself to keep holding on. That I'm not a quitter. Because sometimes, when you're being treated beyond unfairly, you want to do just that: quit. But the important thing is to stick it out and keep a positive attitude. Hope for the best. Support the other people involved. Pray for the strength and courage to move on. Because we're not in control of how we're treated, but we are in control of how we respond.

And if we choose to respond rightly, we will be rewarded in Heaven.

"You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised." ~Hebrews 10:36

Go Until You Can't. Then Keep Going.

Perseverance.

So many things come to mind when I hear that word.

Enduring. Sticking with it, even when it's hard. Running until you can no longer walk. Pressing on, no matter how tough the situation. Trusting in God, even when your life is completely and utterly falling apart.

I play volleyball. I love volleyball. I'm not serious about volleyball. I play it for fun. I play it simply to play. I have no intention of being the next Misty May-Treanor. I have no intention of playing in college. Honestly, I don't even care if we lose every game in the season. I love playing, and nothing is going to take that love away from me.

However, the downside to not being competitive with a sport is that it makes quitting that much easier. If you take it seriously, you won't quit for anything. In fact, you might even overwork yourself to get better. When you play for fun, you typically only do the bare minimum of work required, because the sport means nothing to you. As long as you're playing, you're happy. Even if you suck.

So, when someone, such as a coach, pushes you really hard to make you a better player, it's hard to endure. Why should you exert yourself to get better at something you don't even care about? Sometimes, it's easier to just say "I quit."

We are supposed to do everything with excellence. Even if we don't like it. Even if we don't care about it. In everything, we are called to do the best we can. If you hold that as a value in your life, then it is pretty obvious that perseverance is more important than comfort.

This isn't to say you should be perfect every time. Am I a perfect volleyball player? Far from it. The truth is, everyone is going to have their days. All you can do is try your best. Some days, your best may not be as good as other days. That's okay. The most important thing is that you try. You give it your all, no matter what. You work to become a stronger player. You may not invest as much time as others, and that's okay, too. But giving up should never be an option.

I hate quitters. Okay, hate is a strong word. But I can't stand it when people quit. Seriously, get a little perseverance, people! Do you know how many times I've wanted to quit volleyball because it got too hard for uncompetitive me? Like, 132,098,876. At least. Yet I never have. And I've never regretted it. And I continue to play every year. In fact, I'm going into my seventh (and final) year now.

I'm proud of myself for sticking with it. It's been hard. Almost too hard, at some times. (For me at least...I'm pretty weak and don't have a high level of endurance, so things get hard for me pretty quick). But the truth is, I love volleyball. Nothing, not even an hour of those horrifyingly painful ab workouts or having to run for 10 minutes straight with a pulled calf muscle, can change that. Perseverance is part of the sport, and if you can master that part, you won't regret it. You'll have fun and be made a better player. Double win.

But don't get me wrong, that may be a double win, but winning is definitely not the most important thing. It's fun, yes. It's preferable, yes. But losing is not the end of the world. I promise.

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." Colossians 3:23-24 

P.S. I use the example of volleyball here, but this post applies to everything in life. School work. Your job. Your chores. Life in general. Everything. 

P.P.S. We had our first volleyball game tonight, and won! All the girls did awesome--they definitely played with excellence. I'm looking forward to the rest of the season! :-)