Without God, I Am Nothing.

The other day I was praying for a friend who is going through a tough time right now, and it reminded me of the hard time I recently came out of. Like literally just a few months ago. It has been the hardest thing I've ever gone through so far in my life, and it took a year to recover. For a year I was insecure, sad, and confused as to why God would let this happen to me. Why me?

A year.

But now? I'm grateful. I'm grateful for this experience because I learned so much. I learned a lot about relationships, I learned a lot about myself, I learned a lot about relating to others, but most of all, I learned that God is WAY bigger than all my problems.

And then I remembered this post I read from The Christian Wife Life a few months ago. If you've never checked out this blog before, do it now. Read every post. Ashley is an inspiring, Christian woman growing closer to God every day.

I strongly urge you to read her original post -- linked above -- but here is basically a summary of what she said.

Have you ever heard the saying "God will never give you more than you can handle"?

Ashley says that statement is misleading, and I completely agree. Personally, I think God has given me many things I can't handle. But despite that, I have always come out stronger on the other side. Not because I'm way tougher than I think, but because I have God on my side.

I think God gives us hard situations to remind us that we need to relinquish total control to Him. To remind us that nothing is too big for our God. To remind us that without Him, we are nothing, but with Him, we can do anything.

Philippians 4:13 says, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." It doesn't say, "I can do all things because I believe I can," which I think is the message that society often tries to send us.

I know for a fact I would not have been able to handle my year-long situation on my own. Heck, I wouldn't have been able to handle junior high on my own. But thankfully, I didn't have to do it alone.

Sometimes, life is going to go downhill. And then it's going to get better, and then it's going to get worse again. That's just how it works. But God is there for us no matter what we're going through, and we need to remember that. God helps us through the hard times and rejoices with us through the good. Our God is greater, stronger, and higher than any other and nothing can stop us for He is on our side.

"What then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:31.

It Goes Both Ways.

This morning, after having a conversation with a few friends about being an introvert, I found myself once again thinking about how extroverts just don't understand introverts.

I know all you introverts out there have complained about it. Because it's true. They just don't understand. I can't tell you how many times I have sent my extroverted friends links to articles explaining how introverts are wired (and there are PLENTY of them, probably because writers tend to be introverted). And I'm sure I'm not the only one.

But then I stopped myself. And I thought, Wow, I sure complain about extroverts a lot and how they don't understand me. But you know what? I don't understand them either. I wonder how often they complain about me?

It's so true, though.

 

Sometimes I feel like extroverts think their subdued friends carry a scarlet letter. Like introversion is a disease. Like there's something seriously wrong with introverts and we need to be fixed. And that just isn't true. There's nothing wrong with being an introvert.

But that doesn't mean we're perfect.

Just because extroverts don't understand us does not make us the victim. But it also doesn't mean we need to educate them on how they should treat us. It's not our job to fix others; it's our job to fix ourselves.

So I did a google search on "how to understand extroverts." And I learned some new things about my outgoing peers that I never realized before. And now I see that while there are definitely things that come more natural to them than to us, overall, they don't have it any easier than we do.

Extroverts cannot change us into one of them. And likewise, we can't change them into one of us. But what we can do is change how we relate to them. Because just like introverts want extroverts to treat them a certain way, extroverts want introverts to treat them a certain way.

Here are some articles about extroverts that I thought were really helpful:

5 Myths About Extroverts that Need to Die | Unfettered Ink
The Care and Feeding of Your Extrovert | The Badger's Sett
Understanding Extroverts: The Survival Guide | My Super Charged Life
Pickles' Guide to Understanding Extroverts | The Shadows Keep on Coming

Extroverts, if you guys want to learn a little bit more about how to relate to introverts, here is one of my all time favorite articles about introverts. As a fellow introvert, I can vouch for the validity of his post. Take good notes; there may be a pop quiz.

10 Myths About Introverts | Carl Kingdom

Keep in mind that everyone is different, so I'm sure none of these points apply to every extrovert/introvert in existence. They should more serve as a guide to better understanding.

And remember, just because we can't change what comes natural to us doesn't mean we can't choose to do it anyway. The choice is always there, we just have to make it.

A Realization.

I recently came across this quote from a man named Gordon B. Hinckley. While I do not condone everything that this man believed, I find a lot of truth in this statement:

“Generally speaking, the most miserable people I know are those who are obsessed with themselves; the happiest people I know are those who lose themselves in the service of others…By and large, I have come to see that if we complain about life, it is because we are thinking only of ourselves.” 

I was thinking about this quote earlier, when it hit me: this is why I want to be a teacher.

It started out with me thinking about all the times I've been unhappy with my life versus all the times I have been content. It was completely true: those times when I was feeling discouraged, sad, or unloved were times when I was focusing only on my own life and my problems. The times when I have been most happy have been times when I have focused on pouring into other people's lives.

I realized that, at least for me, I don't need to have everything I want in order to be happy. If I put my energy into thinking of other people, helping them however I can, and being happy for them, I forget to set aside time for worrying about my problems. I realized that I can be fully content by simply making a difference in someone else's life.

And that is why I want to be a teacher.

 This will be me, only with brown hair and probably not as nice of a classroom.

I could never really explain why I wanted to teach. I would always say it's because I love little kids, but I always knew there was something more than that. Now I understand: I want to get to know these future students of mine. I want to help them learn. I want to show them that they can be successful. I want to make a difference in their lives.

Everyone remembers their teachers. In my opinion, a teacher is probably one of the most influential professions there is. I'd even argue that they are more influential than motivational speakers.

When I was in junior high and even parts of high school, I thought I hated people. I honestly don't know why I thought that, but clearly I did not know myself. Because the truth is, I love people.

I have a love for people (specifically, children) and I want to use that love to help, to mentor, and to inspire. I want to pour all my time and energy into the lives of children so that they may see that they can accomplish something great. I want to teach. Because I know that even when times get stressful and hard and I just want to quit, one child's success will be enough to keep me going.

It may not pay a lot, but what is money compared to the genuine happiness that comes from serving others?

"No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money." Matthew 6:24

I don't need to worry about my problems because I know the Lord will take care of them. Happiness does not come from material possessions, but from the Lord and doing His work.

And that is why I want to be a teacher.

This is Not the Post You've Been Waiting For.

This is not a post about the training I went to last month.

I actually have that one written, but have not posted it yet because I was trying to obtain a video and have not yet been successful in that venture.

But honestly, a big part of that is because it hasn't been on my mind the past several days. I will preface with an analogy that I made up all by myself (please hold the applause):

For the past, oh...yearish, I've been on a crazy roller coaster. A crazy roller coaster with sky-scraping highs and rock bottom lows. I was on the highest peak of that roller coaster when the car came off the track, and fell to the lowest low that there ever was. And let me tell y'all, I hit the bottom HARD.

It was like the car, everyone in the car, and the entire structure of this year-long roller coaster came crashing down on top of me. 

Y'all. I just came out of what was probably the hardest weekend of my life.

The hardest thing I've ever gone through.

And it's going to take awhile to recover.

I'm doing better. And I will continue to do better. And eventually it'll be like nothing was ever wrong. Time heals all wounds, but this wound's gonna need a lot of time.

I don't know what God has in store for me now. I thought I did but now I'm back to square one and I know nothing. And that's hard, because I like to know things.

I don't like surprises. I don't like change. This happens to be a surprise AND a change. Oh yay.

But regardless, I'm going to press on. I'm going to keep on living my life. No matter what happens, I'm going to keep trusting God. That He has a plan. That His plan is better than my plan.

Clearly, because God just basically took the schematics for my roller coaster and threw them in the trash. He showed me why my roller coaster would never work, and He had to tear it down so we could build a new one. A better one. Together.

These verses have kept me going the past couple days. If you're going through anything difficult right now--or even if you're not--I would encourage you to read them. They're good reminders for us all.

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, who have been called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21

"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed." 1 Peter 4:12-13

I put these verses up on my desk at work to keep me going. Cuz honestly, guys, work is hard right now. I can't focus because I have so much on my mind. I don't want to be there. But I'm trying. I'm really trying.

I long for normalcy. I long for simplicity. But my life isn't normal or simple. There's a good chance it will never be. But Jesus's life wasn't normal or simple either. I mean, His life was WAY less normal than mine...he was immortal for crying out loud. If that doesn't scream complicated I don't know what does.

He was crucified.

And then He came back to life.

Y'all. It doesn't get weirder than that.

Of course, that was Jesus and He can handle WAY more than a helpless human like myself can. But, I'm also dealing with way less than Him, AND I have Him to help me.

There's no reason I can't do this. None at all.

That's not to say I couldn't use prayer. If you think about it, include me. Include my family and my friends, too. And if you have anything you need prayer for right now, please let me know so I can return the favor.

At the beginning of the year, my best friend and I made a deal to make this year better than last year. Last year is gonna be really hard to top...but I'm still gonna try, despite all this. 

I will have the summer training post up at some point. I'm not going to say when because I know it will probably happen sooner if I don't. :)

Oh, and as a random post script, one of the keys just fell off my keyboard. Awesome. I need a new laptop.

With No Regrets.

This is the story of a girl who let one negative critique rule her life. A girl who failed to recognized her own talent. A girl who lost faith in herself.

This little girl grew up in a show-business family. Her parents were both fantastic actors and her dad could even sing. Her mom could paint almost as well as Picasso, and both parents had an ear for music. The little girl was pretty much destined to succeed at anything in the fine arts genre.

Pretty much ever since she uttered her first word, she was on stage in plays. She did plays, skits, and musicals for both church and school.

When she was about 9, her church started doing children's musicals. Of course, she auditioned. She loved acting, and was hoping to get a lead part.

Everyone was required to not only do an acting audition, however, but a singing audition as well. So, naturally, she auditioned for that, too. She had never really sung before, so she wasn't sure how things were going to go.

They went extremely well.

Her mom was the director for the musical, and therefore had inside information. Her mom found out that her daughter had one of the best singing auditions out of everybody.

The little girl was given a lead role and two solos. This was the first time she had ever sung in front of an audience.

And the last, for many years.

The next year, it came time for another musical. The little girl was 10 now, and thought she had the lead role in the bag. She received a callback on her acting audition. She did not, however receive a callback for singing.

She was not cast in a lead role. She was not given a solo.

She found out later, from her mother's inside information, that she was not even considered for having a solo. The judges apparently had not liked her audition. They didn't like her voice.

The little girl believed this critique. She began thinking that they were right and that she had no talent. She had no intention of ever singing again.

Well, that didn't last long, of course. She loved singing too much. Her mother enrolled her in voice lessons to improve, but that still didn't stop her from believing that she was talentless. The only people she ever let hear her sing were her mom and her voice teacher. They said she was good, but they had to. Their opinions didn't count in her mind.

This went on for about 5 years.

One day, her school decided to have a musical. Anyone with musical talent was asked to audition for a singing role. Under normal circumstances, the now 15-year-old girl would have done what she always does: fade into the background, and pretend to have no talent. Unfortunately, she didn't have that option. Her mom was, to her dismay, the director. She was, quite literally, forced to audition.

And she got the lead role, with two solos.

But that still wasn't enough to convince her that she could sing. Despite all the comments she got after the play, she didn't believe them. Not one.

In fact, it still took her 2 years after that to start regaining confidence in her ability.

After this musical where everyone realized that, hey, she can sing, many opportunities arose for the girl to sing more. And she was expected to take them.

Her mom wanted her to sing in the school talent show. She didn't.

Her parents and friends wanted her to join the worship band for the youth group. She didn't.

Her mom wanted her to audition for a recording as part of the elementary school girls' curriculum at her church. That one she did, but she regretted it. She didn't get the recording--because she sounded too mature. Not a bad critique, just not right for the part. But that didn't matter.

The judges' opinion about her voice from 5 years earlier still resonated in the back of her head. She still believed it.

Then the next school musical rolled around. Again, she was forced to audition. Again she got the lead part with solos. Again, she lacked confidence.

She put on a small concert for family and a few friends (her new voice teacher's idea, of course). This one was even worse than the musicals.

But then, she went on a mission trip. On this trip, she stepped out, and joined the worship band. She, along with her friends, led many in worship during this time. And she had a great time doing it. She actually found herself more confident than ever before, and realized that this was what she was supposed to be doing.

And finally, after three years of hiding behind the crowd, she joined her youth group's worship band.

With no regrets.

----------------
In case you didn't figure this out, this is a true story. The little girl is me. Not to say that I'm like the new Celine Dion or anything, but I am starting to think that I'm not as tone-deaf as I thought I was for so many years. I share this story for a couple reasons: One, for anyone who doesn't get why I was so coy about my singing for so long. Now you know. 

Two, to show how I wasted so many years hiding my gift and feeling discouraged just because I had one bad singing day when I was 10. I chose to listen to the opinion of three people who happened to hear me on a bad day, over the opinion of hundreds who have heard me on more than one occasion.

Third, for some reason this story has been on my mind a lot lately, and writing helps me clear my thoughts. What better place to write it than here?

You Have to Poke a Hole Before You Can Sew a Stitch.

You don't have to be a seamstress to understand that in order to sew your first stitch, you must first poke your needle through the fabric.

I work with elementary school girls at my church. Today, as I was sitting in the large group with my girls, listening to the lesson, something really stuck out to me. The teacher compared this concept of sewing to correcting people. The lesson was on friendship, and how sometimes, to be a good friend, you have to "inflict truthful wounds."

I thought the analogy was so cool. (Seriously, I wish I'd come up with it.) You have to poke a hole before you can sew a stitch. Sometimes, in order to help your friends further grow in their walk, you have to hurt them first. You have to call them out if you see them doing something they probably shouldn't be doing.

Of course, you should do so lovingly, because a friend also loves at all times (Prov. 17:17). Still, it probably won't be easy on them or you, but ultimately, it is the right thing to do.

Just wanted to share that thought for the day. I thought it was a great way of putting things in perspective and a good reminder for everyone.

Things I Never Thought I Would Be Grateful For.

For the past 16 days, I have been all over Canada with my youth group on a mission trip. It was fantastic. I worked hard, slept little, sang a lot, and most importantly, grew way closer to the Lord. Though it was a priceless experience (and by "priceless", I don't mean literally. I did have to pay to go.), I am VERY glad to be home. I'm glad to be going back to work tomorrow and to sleep in my comfy bed and to be able to eat a cheeseburger just the way I like it (plain and dry).

On this trip, God taught me to look at things with a different perspective. I'm generally a negative person, and lately I've been working on that. This trip really challenged me to take something that would be so easy to complain about and see it in a more positive light. And through this process, I discovered so many things that most people, including myself, take for granted. Which not only helped me get through the trip, it also gave me a new perspective on things now that I'm home, as well.

And now, without further ado, a list of things I never thought I'd be thankful for:

1. Darkness. If you've never been to Canada, then you should know that in Canada, "nighttime" doesn't start until around 11 o'clock at night and ends at 4:30 am. That means about 5 hours of dark. So like, it could be 10 pm and you think it's only 8 because it's still light outside. And then you wake up at 4:30 thinking it's 7 because the sun is out. It totally throws you off and you completely lose sleep. Therefore, I am thankful for the 10ish hours of darkness we have here in Texas .

2. Cooking. This may sound really horrible, but on the hardest day of the entire mission trip (and by hard, I mean walking a mile through mud carrying heavy lumber back and forth and then helping build a campsite), I was chosen to help prepare lunch. Which meant I got to walk a mile back to where the food was and cook lunch for everyone instead of doing the hard labor. Cooking may be less stretching for me, but it's definitely more my preferred line of work. I am therefore thankful for cooking.

3. Music. This goes with the cooking. Because I was in the band, occasionally I was unable to participate in other projects because I had to practice or perform. Again, singing is definitely something I would prefer doing over some of the other projects, so I am also thankful for music. (Disclaimer: I also did have to sacrifice a lot for the band as well. I wasn't able to play with little kids, which I love, and I had to sacrifice a lot of time before and during the trip for practice. However, overall I am very glad I was on the band as I feel that that is exactly where God wanted me to serve on this team and that that was the best place for me. I enjoyed it more than I anticipated and would love to do it again.)

4. Fast food. I realize that we ate McDonald's three or four times on the trip. But even then I didn't get to order exactly what I wanted (and it was never what I wanted). For the most part, though, it was all cooking and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. The first thing I did when I came home, I kid you not, was go through a drive through and get a huge bacon cheeseburger (plain and dry) and a chocolate milkshake. Best. Food. Ever.

5. My own washer and dryer. If you've ever been to a Laundromat, you understand. Not only does it cost a ridiculous amount of quarters just to wash your clothes, it takes forever and you're sitting around with nothing to do. And sometimes, you have friends who think they're helping you out by inserting two more quarters into your washer but are really just paying for you to receive the extended cycle which is 20 minutes longer. And then it takes even longer. (But hey, at least your clothes are extra clean, right?)

6. Bed. This is pretty self-explanatory. After camping for three nights and sleeping on floors for almost the entire trip (minus when we were in Calgary and had the fantastic privilege of sleeping in beds), your bed becomes that much more welcoming. I think I missed this the most.

7. Showers. You know you're deprived when you shout for joy at receiving a 5 minute shower every other day. Seriously, after being yelled at from the other side of the bathroom door that my two-minute shower was half over and I wasn't even in the shower yet, 5 minutes was like I had died and gone to heaven.

8. Earplugs. One night, I woke up around 2 am to someone snoring in the next tent over sooo loudly and obnoxiously that I seriously thought they were dying. (No offense to whoever it was; I really did feel bad for them as I'm sure they could not breathe at all). And when you have a clan of noisy seagulls screaming all night long on top of that, it's even worse. I would start crying because it was soooo noisy and I couldn't sleep. Whenever I was smart enough to remember to put in my earplugs, however, I heard nothing and slept the night through. I don't normally wear earplugs, but I now have a new appreciation for them.

(Those are my top 8. I'm sure there are way more, but those are the ones that immediately come to mind.)

"To be seventy years young is sometimes far more cheerful and hopeful than to be forty years old."
~Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.