Subway Adventures.

Today I had worship team training at church from 10am-4pm. And let me just say, the series of unfortunate events that happened at my lunch break had Kayla written all over it. In big capital letters. Underlined four times. With an exclamation point.

This is good, guys. Just you wait.

Unfortunate Event #1: The Elusive Subway.

We were on our own for lunch but a large group of people (my friends included) were going to Taco Cabana. Which I found really surprising because I didn't know people actually liked Taco Cabana. Like, seriously, if we're going to have tacos I'd much rather have Taco Bell. But then again, I'm probably not the most reliable judge of food.

Anyway, obviously I was not okay with Taco Cabana, but I did want to spend time with my friends, so I was going to get food elsewhere and then meet them there. I decided that I wanted Subway because a) Subway is kind of healthy, and I've been feeling guilty about all the junk I've been eating lately, and b) it sounded really good. So, I got in my car and set off for Subway. Only I couldn't remember exactly where it was, but I had a pretty good idea. So I headed that direction and figured I'd see it eventually.

So I'm driving. And I keep driving. And I keep driving. Because Subway is past all the other fast food restaurants. I know* that it's further up the road, so I just keep driving. And every once in awhile, I think I've passed it. So I start to turn around but then I see another group of buildings coming up and I convince myself that that's where Subway is. But it isn't. After doing this about three times, I began entering unrecognizable territory, so I decide to turn around for real this time.

*Me "knowing" where things are located is like a five year old "knowing" how to do calculus correctly

I'm driving back and looking for Subway. And I'm not finding it. And I'm like, "Are you kidding me? Was it seriously further up? Does Subway even exist anymore?" AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, I SEE IT. And I'm like, "SUBWAY! I see you! But...how do I get to you...?"

It was like behind a bunch of restaurants and...I don't even know. Like, it was there, but it was hidden. So I maneuvered my way through the Walmart parking lot and down a couple back roads and finally I'm in the Subway parking lot -- the actual Subway parking lot! -- and I park and get out of my car.

Which brings me to...

Unfortunate Event #2: The Door with the Sandwich On It.

I walk into Subway, ECSTATIC because I'm really hungry, and the first thing I notice are SIX bulky guys, about high school age, probably football players, sitting together and staring at me (quite angrily I might add) in dead silence at Subway. Just sitting there. With no food. Not standing in line to order. And I was like, "Do these guys know how Subway works? You have to go stand in line..." But then I looked up and realized that there was no one at the register. There were employees in the back (who saw me walk in), but no one at the front. So I stepped to the side and joined the awkward silence while these big scary guys just...stared at me.

While I'm waiting, I can't help but notice that Subway is a lot smaller than I remembered it being. Did they remodel? Why would they remodel and make the place smaller? Or maybe it just looked smaller because of the new design. But the counter looked way too small to hold all the sandwich fixins. And why did it smell like pizza in there?

And then I look at the door, and right below the picture of something that very closely resembles a SANDWICH (and sandwich = Subway) are the words "Little Caesar's."

Sandwiches > Pizza.

 

Little Caesar's. Last time I checked, that was different than Subway. And I'm completely mortified at this point that I have walked into and stood in for several minutes the WRONG restaurant. I have been stared at by creepy high school boys that totally had the ability to kill me. I have been acknowledged (but not served) by some very busy Little Caesar's employees. And I could feel the eyes of all 6 scary boys and all 3 employees on me as I silently walked out and never returned.

And before I walked into Subway, I read every sign from top to bottom just to make sure.

Unfortunate Event #3: I Give Up.

Thankfully, I was able to get my 6" tuna sandwich on Italian without a hitch, and I made it to my car and out of the parking lot without incident.

By the way, at this point our one hour lunch break is more than half over.

Anyway, I'm driving to Taco Cabana to catch up with my friends (for, like, a whole 15 minutes), but I was so...flustered, I guess is the word...from everything that just happened that I passed Taco Cabana. And at first I was like, "I think I just passed it..." but then I was like, "oh, no, it's further up here." But it wasn't. And by the time I was 100% sure I had passed it, I was almost back to church.

There just wasn't any point in turning around.

I was probably just going to pass it again anyway.

So I pulled into church and found a table inside to eat at while I recovered from the previous 45 minutes' adventures.

So yes, ladies and gentlemen, in 45 minutes I managed to:

• Get lost on a street I have traveled hundreds of times
• Share some delightfully awkward moments with 9 strangers
• Get so distracted that I just straight up passed my destination
• Just give up, because seriously, why do I even try to be cool? 

By the way, those first three things happen so often that I had to give them their own tags.

And to my friends who may or may not have been waiting on me to show up at Taco Cabana (I'm not even sure they knew I was coming, but just in case): I DID NOT ditch you guys on purpose. I totally intended on showing up, and wanted to...but, like, seriously...I just needed a moment to myself. To recover. Because...it was a crazy 45 minutes, y'all. Real crazy. Kayla levels of crazy. And Lord knows it takes time to recover from Kayla crazy.

Kaylzy? Oh, I know! Crayla. Wait, no...that sounds like a crayon.

Whatever. It doesn't even deserve its own word. You know what they say: when you name things, you just get more attached.

Which doesn't really apply in this situation but that's okay. The point is...well, actually there isn't one. (Other than to make you feel better about yourself, of course).

Sorry to have wasted your time.